by ahmad izzat latip
Yesterday, i was supposed to feel happy when i woke up because of the night before. But i received a text message from a friend regarding my client. Tan Sri Sheikh Hussein Died yesterday at 3am. My condolence goes to his family. I shot his 90th birthday celebration in july. 90 years of life.
Zack Arias is an editorial photographer, based in Atlanta. I stumble across his blog yesterday, when i was not yet asleep even it is nearly 10am. When i was yet to discover what is the urge to go through life. What is my main goal? My motive? My sets of ego. I am useless at that point. God send me Zack Arias’s blog. It changed my perspective in photography, and mostly, in life.
Zack was invited by Scott Kelby to post anything on Scott’s site, and Zack made a video that made me and others think. To really sunk in and think. The video is entitled Transform. He explains that he has this time when he is feeling under the edge. Feeling useless, He thinks his photography is nothing; and the list of negativeness goes on and on and on. Even top photographers has their downtime. Everyone has it. The question is, What to do about it? Keep on living. You should see the video to understand more.
Than, Zack got this email from a guy named B. B stated that he is in the same slump as zack is. He finds he didnt manage to complete any project that he planned out to do. He feel hopeless. Negative. Again. And Zack suddenly thought that this is really a sickness, while discussing with his wife on what to do; Came Derrick, a convicted felon who sells soap; knocking on Zack’s door. A nobody, but yet manage to give inspirations to others who is a stats up from Derrick is. Zack interviewed Derrick. And there’s a video on that, it would certainly make you open your eyes, and be thankful, and start doing something for your self. Zack open up a donation, as Derrick manage to pull comments all over Zack’s blog regarding the video. Now, all the readers has joined up and donate to Derrick who sells soap, from door to door. The amount last recorded was $6000 if i am not mistaken. Derrick didnt asked anything from Zack. But yet, the generosity has earn him just that. This is very inspirational.
You dont have to be someone to teach someone else. You dont have to be rich to feel the negativeness in life; Everyone feels it from now and then. You got to strive for your own sake. Set goals. Set your vision. And make your way up the ladder, Like everybody else. Keep on living.
What’s Derrick; a convicted felon now selling soap guy from door to door – B, a photographer who loses the strength to go on, and Zack Arias; an editorial photographer from atlanta, have anything in to say to improve my life? to keep me on living? Everything. Will blog about it later. I am too sleepy.
i hate it when i lost track of time, and accidentally miss a client’s dateline – after a few minutes of realizing this, that particular client calls up and asked for the progress. I had to lie. I had too. I can keep quiet or by far rejecting their calls. It would make things unjustified.
Same goes to my best friends. When they asked about ana – but this time i can choose to not to answer. I don’t wanna lie and say everything is fine. Everything IS fine between the two of us, but i get this feeling inside, as if she’s pretending, as if she’s just there to make me feel good and herself. Jaga hati la org melayu ckp,sibuk sangat nak cakap omputih. So there you go, i hate liars. So i don’t lie (kadang2). But when it comes to my best friends,i refuse to talk about that matter, things would not turn out good. I’ve been telling them on and off about ana. They get so addicted to the story, and wanted to hear more. This is not a drama. I am not making any of this up. I guess its my fault. Sapa suruh mulut tempayan? kan? But now they get it i guess. They joke around like “eh ana apa cite..oops..tukar topic” – i didn’t gave any responds on that. They would just change the topic.
When I drove home, this is what that comes to mind. But it is nice to have the chance to talk to her again.It is.
Head on to my flickr for some pictures on the merdeka day parade held at parliment this morning.
No, not yet. It was planned to be on friday. This friday. It’s been a while since i felt eager to go and lepak. Before this, it was all about work. When i go for lepak, my head is not there. I am, but not my head. This time as work can wait a bit, i am eager to go for lepak!
Friday got one shoot session in the morning at PWTC, and after that some album to be send to unitex. Ms tan tuh baik. I manage to get credit terms with her. ” Ms tan, ini album hujung bulan bayar sekali semua ah, i tak bawak cash ” (cakap sambil belek album yang dah siap) it’s true!, i didnt bring any cash that day, and i was hoping to get one album out, dengan relaxnya pegi dan amek tanpa bayar. HAHA! will be paying all that by end of this month anyway. Kepada client yang tak bayar lagi, sila pegi bank. sekarang!
It’s some sort of a miracle (other than kena pukau) when someone can give extra something to someone else. Extra inspiration, extra urge to live ahead, extra anything that one can imagine. Without that someone ever knowing it. Is is better for him/her to know? a bit, yes. You may keep some for yourself. and i’m keeping my part.
thank you. : )
i think i can’t hardly stop thinking of calling her back. Despite the end result that she’s predicting..She brings more happiness than sadness in my life, why throw away the happiness?
This enlightens my previous post even better. Focusing on the happy moments you have. This commercial was directed by the late yasmin ahmad.
i realized that since the incident, i tend to be alone all the time. whether its doing any work, or meeting clients, or even having lunch. i used to hang out with my colleagues at lunch hour, or with anyone from manggis. now, i see myself drive up to mcdonalds drive thru and eat alone in the car. pathetic huh? i’m not trying to avoid my friends, i still play futsal like every week. i still hang out, but not as much as i did before. Maybe i’m avoiding the question that my friends would probably asked me. ” ********** apa cite? ” macam la aku banyak cite sampai nak kena update dengan semua orang aku punye kehidupan hari-hari. I’m trying to avoid that question. So that i won’t get the feeling that i felt when it happened. I tend to tell people about my happy-happy times. My mom ones asked me what to have for breakfast, and being the lazy me on the couch watching discovery until 8am with no sleep, i asked for scramble eggs and hot dogs. after half an hour, i fell asleep and i was dreaming that i am jumping a circle of fire, like in the circus. And my stomach got burned. Later to find out, that my mom had put the hot plate of hotdogs and scramble eggs on my stomach. it was hilarious.
In my believe, when you share the happy moments of your life with others, it would make you happy, and sometimes inspires others in a way. I like reminding my self about any happy moments in my life. So that more happy moments will come to me in the future. I dont usually walked away from happiness. But this time, its confusing. The feeling is some sort the best feeling i had being a friend to someone. Nevertheless, i tend to keep it that way and let faith do the rest. Talking to her was such a experience. I remember sending her home around 11.30pm, i was exactly in front of her house. We talked, and talked, and she left the car an hour later. On the way home, i was shocked to see it’s 12.30am when i drove back home from her house. I like the situation, where you can actually talk to someone and feeling so comfortable with each other. I can’t say for her part, but i do feel comfortable. super-comfort. its like the tilam they sell in ikea, sultan or something, its super-comforting.
Now thats she’s not around. I lost that. I lost the feeling of talking to people. I tend to get alone and just make things done and go home. It’s nearly 7am, i remember talking to her on the phone until the birds are well awake outside, ” tu bunyi burung kat umah u ke umah i? ” was usually the question. Dua-dua dah ngantok tatau bunyi burung dari mana dah. Sweet memories. citer macam org tu dah mati, no she’s not. But i can’t seems to get all that back. Getting the feeling you could always have someone around when you need them. I lost that. .
I smiled everytime when i think about the times we had, but i felt angry when people around me asked me about her. I know i dont have to explain anything to my friends. But they are just being nice i guess. I would probably change the topic there and then. This is what i’m facing now. Running from question.. and searching for answers.. hmm.. poyo.