the fact that i must explained myself to another female is not i’ve been waiting for. i thought it would end. i thought i would never be explaining myself to another female ever again, i thought the search has ended. now it will start all over again. and i hate to start all over. 4 months was for nothing, but i had fun. so much fun that i think i would never achieve it again within my life. i respect the decision, and i tried to convience her otherwise. but it didn’t work. the fact that i misinterpret myself to her was so much frustrating. stating that i am not as the  same wavelength as she is was not something i expected to be said.the thing with i’m always available for her was just not her kind to be with, it was confusing i must say, but than again, i respected her choice. it is a total lost for me, and i just hope to be seeing someone exactly like her in the future.i really hope that.

how can i be sure that she’s the one? i dont know,i just know. truth be told, not everything u intend to have would fall off from heaven, but the fact it did for me and i blew it away was not my plan. if i would be given a chance to know her all over again, i would, even knowing that i would not be having her as my partner. the fun was there, the fun was genuine, but just not that much for her.i’m sure that she can be happy after this, i hope you’re happy. i really do. but as far as i know now, i’ll drop down a little bit and just hope for something that i know i can’t have…

So it has been one whole week. I’ve been stuck at home since last saturday because of my pink eye sickness. I never thought it would be this long.  I can’t even remember the last time i had stayed this long at home. One of the best thing i realised was, last saturday, when i started to feel something wrong with my eyes, i went straight home. and forgot to buy my pack of cigarettes. Now, it has been officially 7 days without one puff of smoke. I might play along, or can i ? we’ll see. 

So for the past 7 days, nothing happen other than i sat on the couch like a lazy cat surfing through the channels until i fell asleep. and wake up to clean my eyes, and sleep again. The first 3 days was so boring and non-productive. Once i get the hold of it, i manage to do something besides sitting in front of the idiot box all day long. Both pixelmedia events and pixelmedia resources loan proposal has finished, finally. Translating it was so much hassle. and some updates on the website, little ones. other than that, i’ve been downloading movies and watching it while i fell asleep everytime, it’s not they were boring movies, it’s just me, i like watching movies and sleep at the same time. :P 

A few friends called and text me, i can’t get out. so they probably missing me right now. ke perasan je? I got problems sleeping again. I won’t sleep properly if i know the next day i won’t be having anything to do. In this case, i can’t get out. So i sleep around 5-6am, and got up around 12pm, and sleep again around 3pm, and got up around 7, and the time flies away. I kinda have a routine that i would do everytime it’s 12am, i kinda check my ym’s online list to know whether she’s online or not. And that day i was actually waiting for her to be online, and just when i was getting up to check what’s on HBO, she appeared online! and i practically had this smile on my face and actually said to her that i’ve waited for her to be online.  which i find very weird. when she asked why did i waited, i was stuck. ” er..saje je..” coverline yang tak berjaya kot. Then as days gone by, i had this thing to just call her up and have a chat, sometimes when i feel like talking, her number was the first choice. i dont have any second choice number anyways. it’s been nice talking to her all this while. never felt like this for ages. 

Well, next week supposedly there are people coming to the office to install some partition. and after that, one last cleanup and we can start with the paint job. Can’t wait to settle in. 

I hope tomorrow i could go out and have a blast!

details later on. patience is the best thing in life and businesses. heh.

Things are great! but then again I can’t barely stop thinking about it. and it shatters me each and every time.  but the thing is, i tend to strive a bit more, i tend to go for a few further steps at a time. i get weaken easily (macam pompuan), but i’m ok. it is  worth the wait.

* Currently listening to Yuna - dan sebenarnya over and over again.

Coming on to the other side of my life, work load is getting even higher. quotation approved all around, and i don’t have any extra hand to work it out. this is good though. it kept me from thinking what i’m not supposed to think. Can’t wait to move in to the office and dig myself out from this hole.

For inspirational purpose hit down to Vincent Laforet’s Blog and drool over his work! he’s the maker of Reverie, a video shot by vincent himself with Canon EOS 5D MarkII. stunning video for a first timer. It got 1 million hits download on Canon’s site, with 18 years of experience of photography, he really made a good job.

today is the day that i want to record on my life and play it back again and again until i get the point. but i dont think i would get it anyway. this is just a reminder for me that things just aren’t the way you see it with your own eyes, you need to feel it yourself, collapse is the best sentences to describe it when you really feel it.

i think i can manage this, but deep down i know its hard enough than the previous breakoff.

shush. no comments are accepted on this entry.

i shouldn’t be scribbling here. i have lots to do, lots to plan out, lots to manage. but i need some time out too. the last post was on september 2008, so here’s the update on my practical in order life.

just cutting down to some sense and not bragging in anyway, i’d purchace a Canon EOS 5D with of course the battery grip and a 24-70mm f2.8 EX DG Macro Sigma lens. previously i own a Canon EOS 350D for nearly 5 years, and its time to change. 5D is really a splendid camera. period.

i have lots of album to finish. sometimes i feel like vomitting. too many pictures to select, too many albums to cover in a short period of time. i wont sacrifice my futsal day out. but i manage to cut down my “lepak time”, and its hard despite i have a very nice company of friends here and there. i feel like treating them all in one nice dinner (if i have the money!).

A very close friend has some issues in his wedding preparations. i felt hopeless. i’ve shown every love and support i can give, but i dont think the thing will go on. the thing is, i hope it wont go on. may he makes the right moves and decision. Bad things happen to good people. so there you go.

In august 2009, pixelmedia will be at the MidValley Wedding Exihibition. More preparations to be made. and more plans to re-schedule, and hopefully in this year, i will be opening a studio and gallery (and office of that matter..). Too many things to cover by the end of the year. thinking of making some getaway plans to reduce the tension in my head. but then again, i have now found my source of inspiration : ) with all the massive work load to be done, i manage to know this one girl from a friend, and i felt lucky to just know her. even more when we’re laughing together on the phone. from this kind of situations i tend to get the inspiration to work and work without stop. she doesn’t even realise this. known her for like a month, and been out with her twice, went out for a short dinner in uptown damansara and the other one which doesn’t really count! i fetch her up from her work place, and send her straight home. which is nice, just to see her face. bodo jiwang ni. but then again, its worth it. she’s a bit short but i don’t really care about the height, its the soft-spoken-loud-laugh that i’m into. i’m so into this girl,i hope it ends happily..hmm..

It’s Friday,it’s raining, and it’s the last day to donate

i got moved a bit emotionally once, a long time ago, when i read a blog somewhere. the owner of the blog is a photographer, and on the post i was reading, he was actually at a charity house somewhere i can’t really remember. Came out this story about a young boy there, and the story is sort of emotionally good for me. The pictures and the story compliments each other.

From that day on, i really thought this guy must be a really good guy to do something like this.i mean hanging around a charity house doing nothing then just mingling around the kids there and started photographing them.i really could not be this guy, or at least i want to be him but i just really can’t. Not that i’m not that kind of person or maybe i can’t cope with all the people talking behind me if i just do that.I’ll decide to just give it a try, to be just being there for the kids, and get them photographed by me. That was just it.

Then, it started with a talk with a bunch of friends and we decided to open Foto Penyayang The Project, an anonymous venture of my colleagues, that just had collected 600 in just one week. A small achievement ? not for me. we came out with the project and planned it to bits, and today is the last day of donating. i’m not into talking about this thing a lot. but here is just my own note for me to ponder upon when i’m fat with my kids jumping around me.

*a big thank you to all that have supported, motivated, and reminded me to not take the money and buy myself baju raya.

edited:

* as for the collected donations, it reached RM 1,800. Thank you for the support.

Didn’t have a title for this one as i would like you all to take note of my own life journal through out the past weeks.

Foremost, life’s getting a bit hectic with albums to finish, dateline to meet, and paycheck to collect. collecting paycheck is a tremendous urge for me as i’m now in the brink of kicking my own camera. My 350D will be send to canon service center in Subang today. Metering has gone nuts, and i am starting to lose interest in my own camera, as i rarely used it since the problem occured. That’s explained my occupation line in my friendster.Planning to buy a new body before august work load comes. That’s why i am pushing my paycheck to be cleared out.

Despite being out of money, i still hang out late with the folks in desa view. They’re much fun to be with. I rarely go home early if i am with them. The most is 3am. Being at home when all are asleep, that’s the fine time for me to start doing my work. i seldom do any work in the day, inspirations comes at night i guess? nevertheless, being losing some inspirations lately. The someone you thought giving you inspirations rarely being there for you. she has her thing, she has her work to do too. i’m fine with it. Sometimes when she’s online, it sort of gave me the urge to work brilliantly at times, this is when she’s online but idling! if i’m working and chatting at the same time with her, my work would be probably be equivalent to syahrin’s work i think? LOL. too far to compare the big names with my own. then again i envy the works of syahrin’s and kukubesi. i know some people who knows these people, but i never met syahrin face-to-face. i’ve met kukubesi once in Manggis as he’s a friend of fahmy’s. a friendly guy i can say.

And now its around 8am, and i’m not yet asleep. this is the weekly problem i should say. i would finish work around 9-10am, and then go to sleep. no one cares anyway. so why bother? lol.
uploaded a few pics from cherating trip last week at my Flickr, and planning to go to another trip to ulu yam. this year is my year of traveling around Malaysia. No wonder i am out of money.

*sigh*

Later!

The title doesn’t said it all, i do support at a certain level of movies. lol. Kusha got two free tickets to watch SEPI the movie. so what the heck,both of us went there when its truly to bring a female companion to watch this kind of movies. We rushed to MidValley and got there on time. it’s 9:15pm and we’re in front of the cinema hall. hall no.9. as we entered, the hall was just like kusha said it was, “betul punye sepi cite nih” lol. there was like 3 couples, and they’re all chinese couple. so as we sat down,and wait for the commercials, i kinda talked about how these people really supports the malay genre film. and im trully amazed by their actually sitting there to watch SEPI. and as time goes by, there were more chinese coming in. there was like these 4 chinese men entering the hall.i was like..”ini biar betul ni kusha, takkan laki2 cine ni sume nak tgk sepi weh, gile ah support gile babi camni”. and then the commercial starts, we were laughing though, couldnt believe our eyes. some of the malays doesn’t have the intention to watch this kind of movies anyways, why these chinese has the urge to come? why not you malays? haha. THEN! came these two chinese guy claiming our seats was theirs, we checked their tickets and we compared it all. all was in the correct order, the hall number, the time, the date, but not the movie title LOL. it was the hall for DOOMSDAY. motherfuck*er LOL. to sum it all, GSC made a mistake, they changed the hall for SEPI, and didn’t manage to inform the workers. we came in late on SEPI. a great movie though. 

Such a nice day to have it back, my 430ex is back on track. the circuit board cost me RM90. a good price though. (i think!) now i can control my lighting! but the thing here is, my camera…the white balance doesn’t work, the metering has gone nuts and i really think a new body could help calm me down. Started to think away of the money problem, but then again it kept coming. The last outing was in Bukit Tinggi. Went there with a couple of friends . Read more »